We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
