I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize