You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
