I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
