i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize