Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
