He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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