I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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