well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
