She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think people are normalizing furries
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
