when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
