you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
