Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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