May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
