Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize