if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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