It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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