Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
