Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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