We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
