they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
two words: eviction party
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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