I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
