Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
