so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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