At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
