Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
