I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
