Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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