Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
