Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize