Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
