I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
