You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
