yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
