If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
