They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
