Nicole vs. Life
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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