Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
