Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
