so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
