He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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