Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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