At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
