I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
