Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
