I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
