Actions speak louder than pants.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I need a beard to bite.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
