I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
