I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
This house was built for laser tag.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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