I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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