so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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