bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
