dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
