Since when is my name a synonym for head?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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