are you so shy because you have an std?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
