I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
