i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
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