They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
