ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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