What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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