can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
