the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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