Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
