we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
