my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
fuck your aforementioned shoe
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
