I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
