If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
