Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
