my mouth tastes like poor choices
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
