She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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