whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
