I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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