Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You're like the curious george of whores
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
