so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
